Fighting With Your Partner
As a therapist, one of the most common concerns couples bring to my attention is how to handle arguments. We all know that in relationships, communication is everything. However, in our busy lives, we often rush through our conversations, especially during disagreements, which can escalate tensions quickly. I want to share three simple yet effective strategies that can help you and your partner stop arguing quickly and deepen your connection.
1. Maintain Eye Contact
Eye contact is more powerful than many of us realize. Looking into each other’s eyes during a disagreement can help keep both of you connected and grounded. It shows you are fully present and genuinely interested in understanding and resolving the issue, not just winning the argument.
Practical Tip: Try to keep your eyes kind and soft. Hard stares can seem aggressive. Let your eyes communicate that you care and are there to listen.
2. Maintain Physical Contact
A touch can convey so much compassion and reassurance, even when words fail. In moments of disagreement, a gentle touch can remind you both of the bond you share, cutting through the heat of the moment and bringing a sense of calm and connection.
Practical Tip: A reassuring hand on the shoulder, a gentle squeeze of the hand, or a light touch on the arm can make a big difference. These gestures should always be gentle and comforting, signaling that despite the disagreement, you remain united.
3. Focus on Your Partner’s Experience Instead of Being Right
It’s easy to get caught up in trying to win an argument, but what’s most important is understanding each other’s perspectives. Shifting your focus to really listen and understand where your partner is coming from can transform a potentially explosive argument into a constructive discussion.
Practical Tip: Encourage your partner to express how they feel about the situation and really listen without interrupting. This shows that you value their feelings and experiences over simply proving a point.
Why These Techniques Work
These strategies work because they shift the focus from conflict to connection. They help activate the parasympathetic nervous system—our body’s natural relaxation response—which calms us down and makes it easier to communicate effectively. I talk more about this in my article about couples’ communication.
When we feel relaxed and connected, we’re not only less likely to argue but also more capable of resolving conflicts constructively.
The Takeaway
Using these techniques isn’t just about stopping arguments; it’s about creating a stronger, more understanding relationship. Remember, the goal in any conflict should not be to win but to understand and grow together. Next time tension rises, try these approaches. You might find that not only do arguments stop faster, but your relationship grows stronger and more resilient as a result.
