Every January, I hear some version of the same story:
“I made a list of resolutions, I was so motivated… and within a few weeks I felt overwhelmed, anxious, and ashamed that I couldn’t follow through.”
If that sounds familiar, I want you to know this: this is not a character flaw. It’s not that you “don’t want it badly enough” or that you’re “bad at discipline.”
Very often, what’s actually happening is that your nervous system is overwhelmed and doing exactly what it’s designed to do: protect you. The problem is that the way it protects you, through anxiety, shutdown, people-pleasing, or avoidance, can make change feel almost impossible.
Let’s talk about why that happens, what it has to do with trauma and chronic stress, and how working with your body (not just your to-do list) can make this year feel different.
Why Resolutions Feel So Hard When You’re Anxious or Stressed
Most resolutions assume one thing:
“If I decide to change and push myself hard enough, I’ll follow through.”
That might work if your nervous system is mostly calm and regulated. But if you’re living with chronic anxiety, past trauma, burnout, or long-term stress, your body is often already in survival mode.
Survival mode can look like:
- Fight – irritability, anger, “pushing through” everything.
- Flight – overworking, overcommitting, staying constantly busy.
- Freeze – procrastination, numbness, feeling stuck.
- Fawn – people-pleasing, saying yes when you mean no.
When your body is in these states, your nervous system is prioritizing safety, not “self-improvement.” So, when you pile on big resolutions like, “I’ll completely change how I eat,” “I’ll work out every day,” “I’ll fix all my relationships,” your body may experience that as more threat.
You might notice that anxiety spikes when you try to do something new. You may feel flooded or panicky when faced with change, or that you shut down and scroll, snack, or sleep instead of taking action.
Again, this isn’t about willpower. It’s your nervous system saying, “I’m overwhelmed. I can’t hold more right now.”
Signs Your Nervous System Is Quietly Sabotaging Your Resolutions
Here are some common patterns I see in clients every January:
1. All-or-Nothing Thinking
You go from “I’ll totally change my life” to “If I miss one day, it’s over.” This often comes from a nervous system that equates “small step” with “not safe enough” or “not good enough.”
2. Overcommitting, Then Burning Out
You stack your schedule with new habits, projects, or routines… and then find yourself exhausted, resentful, and unable to keep up. Your nervous system never had time to feel safe with small changes, so it hits the brakes.
3. Avoidance & Numbness
You really want change, yet you keep avoiding the very things that would help. You might hear yourself say, “I just don’t have the energy,” or “I’ll start next week.” That’s often a freeze response, not laziness.
4. Harsh Self-Talk
The more anxious and overwhelmed you feel, the louder the inner critic gets. But shame doesn’t motivate the nervous system into change; it usually pushes it deeper into survival.
How Somatic & Trauma-Informed Therapy Does Something Different
Traditional talk therapy can be incredibly helpful for understanding patterns, telling your story, and feeling seen. At California Integrative Therapy, we value that deeply.
What somatic (body-based) and trauma-informed approaches add is this:
Instead of asking, “How can I force myself to change?”
We ask, “What does my body need to feel safer, so change doesn’t feel like danger?”
Working with the Body, Not Against It
We might notice:
- Where anxiety shows up: chest tightness, stomach knots, jaw tension
- When your body tends to shut down: emails, conflict, certain tasks
- What helps you feel a little more grounded: breath, movement, contact
Over time, you build a felt sense of safety in your body, which makes it easier to try new things without overwhelming your system.
Slowing Down Before Pushing Forward
Instead of jumping into giant goals, we work on calming an overactive stress response, expanding your capacity to feel emotions without collapsing, and creating small, regular moments of regulation during your day
When your nervous system has more capacity, following through doesn’t require constant self-fight.
Integrating Mind, Emotions, and Body
We don’t just talk about what you “should” do; we notice what actually happens inside you when you imagine doing it.
For example:
“When you think about setting a boundary with your boss, what happens in your breathing? Shoulders? Heart rate?”
“When you picture going to the gym, do you feel energized… or panicked?”
These clues tell us how to support you so that any goals you set are realistic for your nervous system right now.
Gentler Alternatives to “New Year, New Me”
If your body is already overwhelmed, you don’t need a more aggressive resolution. You need a kinder plan.
1. Set Nervous-System-Friendly Intentions
Instead of “I’ll completely change my life,” try:
- “I will give myself 5 minutes a day to check in with my body.”
- “I will practice stopping when I notice I’m past my limit.”
- “I will choose one small area to focus on this month, not five.”
2. Choose Tiny, Doable Steps
Your nervous system trusts consistency, not drama.
- 3 minutes of breath work vs. a 45-minute meditation you never do
- A 10-minute walk vs. a 6-day-a-week gym overhaul
- One honest conversation a week vs. fixing every relationship at once
If it feels “too small to matter,” it’s probably exactly the right size to start.
3. Build in Rest on Purpose
Most people plan goals and forget to plan recovery.
Try scheduling “nothing time” on your calendar, setting a nightly tech cut-off time, and protecting one day or evening a week that is truly low-demand
Rest is not the reward you get for being productive; it’s the foundation that makes meaningful change possible.
When It’s Time to Ask for Help
You might benefit from therapy if:
- You feel stuck in the same anxious loops, no matter what you try
- Your body feels constantly “on edge” or completely shut down
- You’re tired of beating yourself up every January
- You know there’s more going on than just “bad habits”
At California Integrative Therapy, we work with anxiety, trauma, burnout, and relationship stress using approaches that respect both your story and your nervous system. The goal isn’t to turn you into a perfect version of yourself; it’s to help you feel safer, more present, and more able to choose your next step.
How We Can Support You This Year
If this New Year feels like “same anxiety, different calendar,” you don’t have to push through it alone.
Together, we can understand how your nervous system is protecting you and gently expand your capacity, so change doesn’t feel so threatening, while creating realistic plans that fit your actual life, not an idealized version of it
If you’re ready to explore a different way of doing things this year, I’d be honored to talk with you. You can schedule a consultation with one of our therapists to see if we’re a good fit and talk about what you’re hoping to change, at a pace that feels safe for you.
